Battle of personalities.26, Apr, 2016, by Seema Bhatnagar
Have you ever wondered why you always end up having argument with someone at home but have perfectly amicable and jovial relationships at work with others. Why it is so that there are few people who always find you very friendly and open while for some you are just a bundle of nuisance? Why do you feel yourself as entirely different individual at home, work and with friends?
The person at home is aggressive and short tempered but in office the same person gets transformed in a docile person willing to give away life for work. There may be a person who seems very aggressive at work but behaves entirely different at home. Some look so understanding with friends but when it comes to family they have their rigidities on display.
It might not be a wonder to say that any individual is wearing more than one personality at one particular point in time and conveniently switches between these. This is a reason why some people look completely different at home and job. With ignorance, it becomes so ingrained in personality that it looks perfectly normal and acceptable to self.
Yes, it is true, you have a single body but there are more than one person living and thriving inside. On the first thought it sounds weird but it is a fact that every individual maintain more than personality.
Wearing multiple personalities means one is carrying a burden because personalities residing inside are always demanding something or the other to look acceptable and in control. Keeping these personalities happy is a full time job and indeed difficult, however hard you may try, one of them would always crib for something or the other.
The basic argument for maintaining multiple personalities is that one is required to act differently in different environments and situations. To some extent it is alright because there are certain protocols at work which needs to be followed but if somebody is compromising over personal values and behaving 360 degree different then it is something not normal and must be pondered upon.
People with multiple personalities are always struggling to maintain the burden to act differently to different people. Acting differently means instead of spontaneously responding to situation one is responding in well-thought and crafted manner by giving a calculative response. This amounts to a fact that you spent a good amount of time in responding to a situation based on the power equation of the moment which means it is a diluted response and not an honest one.
It is something a deep rooted fear which drives behavior of people to live with multiple personalities. They have a fundamental urge to always look good in the eyes of people who are more powerful than them in terms of authority and power, in order to gain respect and appreciation from others and sometime to avoid any conflict or trouble.
Based on my experience, I have seen, people are bit calculative and they see what works where, completely ignoring what they feel is correct and fair. When it comes to being calculative, I have hardly seen anybody flaring temper at boss, because the consequence could be really bad and disastrous. Aggression at home in comparison to work or outside is more prevalent and acceptable because it has least disastrous effects and so people touch peaks of aggression and violence only at home.
How it starts?
Approval for nurturing multiple personalities starts very early during childhood when a child is asked to behave differently at home and outside. Ignorantly, parents demand their kids to act differently in different situations completely missing the point that this way they are encouraging development of multiple personalities in their child.
Gradually, this behavior becomes so ingrained that it feels perfectly alright to wear different personality with everyone you meet. It reaches to a point when it starts feeling alien to self, having no connection with personal sense of being fair or unfair, right or wrong, correct or incorrect.
With this state of mind, individuals fall in relationships which off course lead to frictions and eventually end up in breakups.
The culture of showing off to get respect and appreciation from others prompts individual to live with multiple personalities, doesn’t matter how hard it may feel. It becomes deeply imbibed as a mindset that individual forgets the real self and personal values, the only objective in every situation becomes is to either please somebody or to rule others. There is never a comfort of living with real self. The constant fear of losing friendships or relationships or maligning personal image in office compels an individual to live in multiple personalities.
The big fat ego takes charge of feeding these personalities and makes you feel successful in life. Eventually, the burden of carrying multiple personalities breaks an individual and leads to a depression and low confidence in the event of being exposed of real personality.
Passing long years in wearing multiple personalities has certain downside which is visible as - failure in relationships, inability to get along with others, lack of concentration, frequent mood swings, low threshold for anger and anxiety, inability to handle stress and avoidance of people etc..
How to overcome?
Why is it difficult to maintain a single personality, the true Self? Needless to say, it is because of a fear of being exposed of personal flaws.
There are very few people who remain same in all situations or in different environments, and courageous enough to be real Self in tough or challenging situations. It takes lot of courage, efforts and boldness to remain as a same person and to maintain same personal values. Individuals who can do so have a potential to become great leaders and thinkers. History is a proof that individuals who tried to maintain their real self had to pay a hefty price for it. For example, Socrates had to embrace death because of maintaining personal ideals and philosophy, Mahatma Gandhi had to languish away in prison while fighting for freedom, Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela are some of the personalities who had to struggle hard and suffered for their larger than life goals. Imagine, if they had thought of wearing different personalities we would not have seen or experienced what we are cherishing today.
Give a close look to your own behavior with others and see if you are also juggling with multiple personalities. If you have already realized that it is a sheer wastage of time and energy then it is time to address it. A mere realization is good enough to motivate you for reaching a point where you are fearless in living as a strong individual rather than living like a coward who is always thinking to shy away from handling difficult situation or conversation or going mad with anger.
As a first step, look into personal fears, what is that which is preventing you from being real, because being real means you feel confident and powerful and can be highly productive in life. This fear could be - about losing a comfortable position you are holding at work, insecurity of losing a job which is earning you a fat pay packet, fear of handling conflicts with spouse, friend or anybody at work. Once you are aware of this fear you may look ways to address it. Read full post on overcoming fears.
If you are a parent, then teach your child to act humble and real in front of others instead of hiding real self, let others see his/her real personality, stop worrying about his/her exposure. Well, if you are giving a strong upbringing, the question of exposure doesn’t arises at all. Mind it, accepting and living with self creates a powerful mindset in a child.
Initially, you might feel a bit hesitant in living as YOU, but dropping all those fears one by one will create a power in you and very soon you will be able to afford to live with your real SELF.
Your creativity, productivity and personal growth would get enhanced only when you will act with your real Self and not the personality that can fetch you more dividends in the world.
The complete science of Yoga teaches to drop personalities and get free from the burden of unnecessary thoughts and actions. People who practice some form of yoga develop a power to live with real SELF.
Living with real Self means living in peace and comfort without any fear of losing. Though everybody wants to live that way but the habits, mindsets, fears accumulated over the period of time do not let individual to enjoy the joy of real Self. Lack of self-discipline right from childhood leads to habits which makes an individual unfit to live in a community or in a group or with another individual, with too many edges around, an individual seeks ways to cover personal flaws in order to get over with a situation.
Living with Self does not means having a big fat ego and brushing others aside, it is that courage which helps you to be powerful in your expression of what it is fair and correct for a situation maintaining a dignity of self and others involved.
The real enlightenment happens when you develop a courage to be SELF. That is a point when you actually experience what it means to be SELF, what your true nature is and what is the joy of living with personal strengths and weakness.
Before half of your life goes by, let that strong and powerful YOU come alive in you to experience the wonders of this beautiful life.