The devil inside - Anger - How to overcome? Part III

5, oct, 2013, by Seema Bhatnagar

This is a three part series, to make the best out of it, also check out part I & part II here:
The devil inside - Anger - How to overcome? Part I
The devil inside - Anger - How to overcome? Part II

How to overcome?

Think of all those moments when you were not angry, you felt relaxed and satisfied with self but the moment something went against your expectations, desires, plans, goals or there was a feeling of inferiority, you lost your calm, felt threatened and anger got triggered. If we know all these anger triggering points then what is that which hold us from controlling it.

anger is a great force quote by William Shenstone

Going by its harmful effects on mind and body, can't we take some steps to overcome this ugly demon? It is surely possible and simply needs your willingness and a discipline to counter it. Over the period of time, getting angry becomes an automatic behavior or a habit and we do not pay any attention while handling situations, so, to overcome it we just need a little bit of extra awareness while dealing with others.

However hard it may be but there are ways to overcome this habit, it is only your willingness which matters. Let's start with a basic understanding of our mind. In Ayurveda, it is called as "Ekatva" in Hindi, एकत्व, which means, "Mind is the one and only.". It basically conveys the fact; our mind is designed in such a fashion that it can pay attention or associate to only one subject at a time. Since these associations are so fast that sometimes it looks like that we can pay attention to more one than one subject at a time but this is not true. This also clarifies that Multitasking is not possible. To get yourself convinced, you can very well check the rising accident rate on streets, because people are talking while driving.

Going by the fundamental design of mind and my own experience of handling anger following are some of the ways which if practiced in full awareness can guaranty you best results.

Anger, if not controlled, depletes energy of body and due to release of stress hormones; it makes human body weak, which becomes the reason of early onset of psychosomatic illnesses (like depression, blood pressure, migraine, diabetes etc.) in body. The first step towards conquering it is to be aware of it moment to moment, the whole day.

  1. I am responsible for my own anger
  2. There might be several factors or situations which triggered your anger, but ultimately it is only YOU who created your anger. This is so because, based on your previous experiences of life and expectations from others you decide about the outcome of the situations which if doesn't match to actual result; it throws you in an angry state. Thinking a step ahead, it will make you realize that it is only you along with your thoughts about the situation who created the anger. If you accept this reality that it is only "I" who is responsible for my anger then it becomes easy to handle it because then you stop blaming others for situations. In every such situation, just accept the fact that you are creating anger with your own view of the situation; if you change your thoughts about the situation you may very well control your anger and response to situation.

  3. Deep abdominal breathing or laugh
  4. When we are in stress we breathe from our chest while when relaxed breathing happens from abdomen. In all those angry moments, consciously start breathing from abdomen and relax yourself immediately, your anger will subside immediately as the whole focus will shift to breathing. The right way of abdominal breathing is to take deep inhalation and your abdomen should expand like a balloon while in exhalation it should shrink. This is a best way of breathing and to get immediate relaxation.

  5. Stand in front of mirror
  6. See yourself in a mirror when you are angry, you will find yourself ugly because anger makes facial muscles tensed and gives an ugly look. Your mind would be distracted to an ugly face and you will be able to have a grip on angry thoughts.

  7. Think of something positive
  8. When angry with somebody, think something positive about that person, however small it might be, it can instantly change your mental state and your anger will subside.

  9. Cooling walk
  10. Take a walk in some lonely place and deep breathe. The whole new scene will instantly bring change in the thought process and your anger will subside.

  11. Chew some vegetable
  12. Pick some vegetables like carrots, radish or any one which is chewable and start chewing it. This again will distract your mind and your anger will subside.

  13. Reprogram of pre-program of consciousness
  14. For most of the situations, our reaction comes automatically because our mind is pre-programmed for such reactions from the past events. What is required is to reprogram our mind for situations which triggers anger. From next time if the same situation comes, our mind will be able to give a more positive reaction. To implement this, create a list of situations which makes you angry and write your new response for each one. Start practicing the new responses in daily life and you would see amazing results in short period.

  15. Develop opposite emotion
  16. Fill your mind with just opposite emotions like peace and love. Instead of thinking emotion of anger and jealous, replace it with peace and love. This will counter the effect of angry thoughts. It might sound artificial but with practice it will sink in.

  17. Purpose of Life
  18. People who have clear understanding of life and have a clear purpose of achieving personal goals have better understanding and control of emotions. Just help yourself and define what do you want at the end of life and what is your purpose in life. When there would be clarity about purpose of life, you would be able to develop a sense of satisfaction with self and direction to steer yourself clear instead of getting driven by the situations and circumstances in life. This will enhance your emotional intelligence to a new high.

  19. Practice Yoga
  20. (Patanjali Aphorism)
    Meaning: Yoga is restraining the mind-stuff (Chitta) from taking various forms (Vrittis). Yoga gives us a deep understanding about how our mind works and how it can be relaxed of anger and other negative emotions. Pranayams, like Anulom Vilom, Bhastrika and Brahmari are some of the breathing techniques which can be easily learned under some Yoga expert. Practicing it every day will bring some change in nervous system and your ability to recover from angry and stressful situations would improve.

  21. Do meditation
  22. Mediation is a yogic technique through which the consciousness turns inward and the mind becomes the subject to be watched. A deep meditation is a state when an individual becomes completely unaware of the body and mind goes completely thoughtless. At this stage the actual deep calmness and peace felt inside. There are different meditation techniques which can be learned from Yoga expert. Practicing it daily will help in relaxing and calming the mind and will improve your emotional stabilty during angry or negative situations.

Have your control?

Do you know, when angry people feel that their anger is not fetching right results, they feel bad or feel pain inside and will make the next attempt stronger than before. This way, their tendency to get angry deepens and with time it becomes hard to control.

Let's understand it very well, getting angry is not bad, but if you are carrying it inside for days and days then it becomes deadly. Situation will definitely upset us since we all have our own way of doing things, but we have to learn how to channelize our anger in the right direction to get the right results.

Anger, if not controlled, depletes energy of body and due to release of stress hormones; it makes human body weak, which becomes the reason of early onset of psychosomatic illnesses (like depression, blood pressure, migraine, diabetes etc.) in body. The first step towards conquering it is to be aware of it moment to moment, the whole day. Controlling anger is one of the basic prerequisites for the positive personal growth and development. This will not only help you in having better relationships at home but also at work and will enhance your overall outlook and horizon about life. A continuous mindfulness, not just during meditation but it is required for every moment of the day. It is like a 24 hour meditation.

People who have high level of emotional quotient enjoy better relationships with others and achieve more success in their pursuits. The only reason behind it is that they have learnt the art of responding to situations than reacting to it. When you get angry, there is a split second for you to control your response and for that you need to be overly aware of your emotions, most people lose the battle because they lose that moment and become a prey of their own anger.

If you are a boss or a parent or in any role, anger will not fetch you desired results but rather you would lose your mental peace and serenity. So, it is more harmful to you than to others. It is most important that first you take care of your own emotions before leading others. Understanding and accepting others as they are can give you a paradigm shift for handling others.

In these days, when people are impulsive, intolerant and impatient, it is more than ever required to get hold of your own anger first before setting others right. Not reacting to situation and accepting others as they are, does not mean that you would keep quite in situations, rather you would respond more thoughtfully and instead of countering other person you would try to share your own perspective with more stable mind without being influenced of other person's anger. It sounds difficult, but the reality is that you can have control over only yourself and not on others.

There might be situations when people get violent and aggressive and use physical violence, this is an extreme state of anger and in all such cases, you must take strong action and if possible leave the place for your own safety. Nobody has a right to cause any physical violence against you. A strict and stern action is required for such person.

If you are parent, you must not use any kind of physical violence against your child; it will only help him/her to become more stubborn and over the period of time will develop some personality disorder.

Asking any accused of mass shooting or murder or any crime, there is a single answer, their anger against some injustice, racism or unfairness. Is anger valid for such situations? For a common man, who has learnt since childhood that reacting to situation and getting angry will change the situation or will get the work done, committing such crimes makes sense. I guess, this is what we all are learning from our surroundings and children are also following the same, with this scenario, we can very well imagine the state of our society in next decade.

As a parent, teachers, employers or in any leadership role, we have to ensure there is no injustice caused to anybody, no bullying happening around us, empower people to raise their voice against such injustice rather than approving the angry or bullying behavior.

Humility in behaviors, respectful towards others irrespective of race, caste, creed, gender is what we should inculcate in our children and of course first in ourselves.

MOST important milestone in journey

"I have learned through bitter experience the one supreme lesson to conserve my anger, and as heat conserved is transmitted into energy, even so our anger controlled can be transmitted into a power that can move the world." ~ Mahatma Gandhi

If you are able to control your anger in this lifetime you must rank it as the most important milestone in the journey of your personal growth & development. It can actually help you to discover the best of self and can make you to experience the new highs in your horizon and outlook about life. Living with anger is like living with an ugly demon which is slowly poisoning your mental peace and serenity and stopping you from enjoying the best life. Take all the possible and hardest steps to conquer this and live the best of your potential.

With peace and Love
Related Posts
The devil inside - Anger - How to overcome? Part I
The devil inside - Anger - How to overcome? Part II

Seema Bhatnagar, Blogger, Writer, Life Coach and Founder of Abundance Thinkers, site for personal growth and development. Empowering people in achieving and living the best of personal potential.

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